Life has slowly started going back to its pre pandemic ways. I for one am pretty grateful for this, even though I miss the slow and lazy pace of the past several months. I went to my college in person for the first time, and I’m not gonna lie it isn’t a perfect environment for an introvert like me to be suddenly surrounded by so many new people, but surprisingly it feels good to be out in the world again.
For me, the pandemic was a pause from all the blaring issues I had, ones I kept ignoring before. The reappearance of certain people in my life has, however, reopened all those wounds. The only difference is, this time I also have better people in my life who don’t make me feel bad about my insecurities, who taught me that you deserve reciprocation.
The earlier ones though, people who I gladly called my best friends for a solid 2-3 years, taught me some hard lessons with their insensitive words last week.
In an increasingly (un)expected conversation, I learned, or rather confirmed several of my “best” friends’ narrow minded opinions.
I feel sad that someone my own age, has the idea of religion so wrong in their heads, in fact thinking along the same lines cultural rioters. Its ridiculous and infuriating to see someone trying to prove one religion is superior to another. And worse, blatantly justifying their homophobia and conservative thought process through their religion. Yes, you read that right: during one point of this conversation, my friend actually tried to convince me that the concept of different sexualities is a sin, a lie spread by the “Western Civilization” and not even kidding, pulled up quotes from the Holy Qu’ran as explanation. In their exact words they followed these texts blindly because,” There would be chaos without any rules.”
The less said about that sorry person, the better.
What affected me more personally however, was what someone else did. In another delightful conversation the very same day, I got told by someone that if the jokes they make about me hurt me, it’s in fact my fault that I get triggered and I should get over it 🙂
This is also the person who I tried hard to befriend and help when I was in school, and even shut people up who (rightfully) called out their childish behavior. I must say, it feels great to get insulted in return for all you’ve done for someone. To top it all off, it looks like this person agrees with the earlier mentioned opinions on homophobia too.
Cutting out these people is embarrassingly hard, though, because after all they know a lot about me. They’ve seen me in so many of my highs and lows. Its very difficult to start fresh with a whole new group of people.
So yeah, October, yet again, has been an intense month. Coupled with my pseudo heartbreak and my first bout of birthday sadness, I’m just about ready to hibernate. Now that I think of it, I’ve never been wished on my birthday by either of the two people I spoke of, even when we were “close” friends.
If anyone reading has had to go through similar experiences, I feel very, very sorry for you. However hard it may be to cut off such toxic people, please do it. You deserve more, and you deserve better. I speak from experience when I say you won’t even remember them once you’ve found the right people. And you will.